Motherhood: The First Season

Recently, I remarked to my hubby that I’m in a place where I truly appreciate everything my mother did for us, as children. She was a military spouse, whose husband went away for months–and once, a whole year–at a time, which meant she was at home with me and my younger sisters, without any help (or family nearby) for extended periods of time. And it’s not that I didn’t love my mother or appreciate her before, but now that I’m a stay-at-home-mom (SAHM), whose husband sometimes goes away for weeks at a time, I truly understand what this entails and appreciate the sacrifices she made.

Honestly, when I was younger, being a SAHM didn’t appeal to me, because I thought I’d be bored (HAHAHA). I didn’t realize the amount of work involved in being with your child. All. The. Time. It’s a never-ending routine of changing, nursing, feeding, bathing, reading, and so forth…and that’s not including all the household chores, grocery trips, or meal-making. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining; I love having the financial freedom to be at home with my Cookie Girl. It’s extremely rewarding, but can also be lonely and exhausting.

A week or so ago, our church organized an outreach in our neighborhood. I tried to sit through an informational meeting, beforehand, with a squirming toddler, and failed miserably. I ended up leaving early, frustrated. God and I had a good talk on my drive home, though; and I’ve come to the realization that things will not be the same as they were before we had children, at least not for a very long time. My place, for now, is with my child(ren) and sometimes I will have to stay back, or behind the scenes, in order to be of any service. At first, I was upset about it. It didn’t seem fair that I wouldn’t get to participate in things the way I used to (or how I want to). However, I’ve accepted that for now, W and I have to play tag until baby girl gets a little older; it’s just the season of life that we’re in.

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As I’ve written before, this season will not last forever, nor does it mean that I’ve completely given up on my own dreams or visions. As a matter of fact, God placed something big on my heart, after a visit to Philadelphia, with the passing of my grandfather. But I’m recognizing the need to be patient and wait for the Lord’s timing. The things He’s planted in me will come to pass, even if not right away. I just have to let Him continue to prepare me for these things. Interestingly enough, I heard confirmation of this during Sunday’s sermon: that we’re never too old to walk out the calling God has placed on our lives and that we must stay on the anvil of God and allow Him to shape and mold us.

Therefore, whatever God’s promised you, whatever He’s planted in your heart to complete, sometimes we just have to be patient. We have to continue to seek His face and His will for our lives, and allow Him to mold and shape us through the power of His Holy Spirit. There are tons of biblical examples of men and women of God who probably wanted to give up on their dreams as they ran away from their enemies (Moses, David, Elijah), wandered through the wilderness (Moses, Joshua, Caleb), or as year after year passed, without child(ren) (Abraham & Sarah, Isaac & Rebekah, Hannah, Zechariah & Elizabeth). As I’ve been studying Genesis–through Jen Wilkin’s God of Creation study–I realized that Noah was 500 years old before he had his sons, and 600 years old when he boarded the ark (Genesis 5:32, 7:6). It could very well have taken 100 years to build an ark for a flood that God promised a century before (we don’t know the details!). A hundred years…

David was just a teen when he was anointed as Israel’s next king by Samuel (1 Samuel 16:1-13), but it would be many years before he actually sat on the throne, at age 30 (2 Samuel 5:1-5). The Israelites wandered in the desert for 40 years before Joshua or Caleb got to enter the promised land (Numbers 14; Joshua 1). And Abraham & Sarah (Genesis 17-18), and Zechariah & Elizabeth (Luke 1:1-24) were just two couples way beyond their child-bearing years, who gave birth to influential men of God! Jesus, Himself, didn’t begin His ministry until He was 30 (Luke 3:23).

As for me…this first season of parenthood is a tough one, requiring self-sacrifice, patience, trust, and complete dependence on God to get through each day; in fact, I am in no way the same person I was before our little Cookie came on the scene. But I know each season will be different, and each will teach me something new about myself, like what I can and cannot handle on my own, about the importance of flexibility, how to better manage my time, and how to show grace in different situations. And each season will change me for the better, and shape me more into the woman that God desires me to be, for which, I’m incredibly grateful.

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Only for a Season

These past few months have been a whirlwind of activity. We began searching for our first home in February, and after a couple weeks, we found one we could see ourselves growing into. Fast forward to April, and we’re unpacking boxes, cleaning, organizing, and moving furniture around the new house. The hubbs ( W ) has been putting up shelving in our pantry, and making sure the rest of the closet shelving is sturdy, since we noticed a lot of missing screws. He also spent an evening cleaning the carpets, because, although they are new, they got a lot of foot traffic when the previous owner had people paint, put down flooring, etc., and were very dusty.

W was finally able to take his belongings out of his storage unit and we’ll soon be using his king sized bed, as opposed to my queen sized (as soon as the bed pieces lost in a move, arrive in the mail). I can’t wait, because our baby girl has taken a liking to our bed, and it seems to be getting smaller and smaller, as she gets bigger and bigger.

Cookie girl just turned 9 months, and this move has been a little disruptive to her schedule. It took her about a week to get back to napping in her crib, in the new house. Which has been challenging for me, since it’s difficult to unpack boxes and clean, with her crawling around and getting into everything.

Moving without family around to help is very difficult, because you’re forced to ask friends–who have their own families and responsibilities–for help; but you don’t want to beg people, either. However, we’re extremely thankful to the few people who have been consistent blessings to our lives during big life events and transitions. Thus far, they have helped decorate and clean up before and after our wedding, and later, our baby shower; helped us move, twice; and even let us borrow a vehicle for a month or two, while we saved up to purchase one with cash. These aren’t just friends, they have shown themselves to be family.

Now, we’ve entered May and W is traveling for work, the house still isn’t anywhere near put-together, and I don’t think baby girl is feeling very well today. I’ve been feeling pretty isolated these last few weeks, and am in desperate need of a new routine to help me get the house together, get baby girl sleeping in her crib, and to simply get us out of the house (because we’ve been cooped up too long!).

Sometimes, life is tough, but God is so good. He’s blessed us with so much, and I know that it’s days (or weeks) like today that I have to focus on His goodness, rather than my feelings of isolation, loneliness, unproductiveness, or unfruitfulness. This season of life will pass. We will, eventually, get the house in order. Cookie girl will, eventually, sleep in her crib. We will get our routine back and have weekly library trips, grocery days, and outings. I will make time to write and share more often with my readers.

For now, I must remember that this is only a season of life, and things will change. What season of life are you currently living? And how are you handling it? Personally, I think I should be praying a little more…but, couldn’t we all?

Do not be anxious or worried about anything, but in everything [every circumstance and situation] by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, continue to make your [specific] requests known to God. And the peace of God [that peace which reassures the heart, that peace] which transcends all understanding, [that peace which] stands guard over your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus [is yours]. ~ Philippians 4:6-7, AMP