Needs vs Wants

This post has been a long time coming. I always start it, but then don’t know where to go from there. If you’ve been following for any length of time, you know that we live a debt-free lifestyle, based on Dave Ramsey’s teachings. And we’re currently on baby step 3–saving our 3-6 month emergency fund–while awaiting the birth of our second-born.

We haven’t done too much this summer since we’ve been really trying to save our emergency fund before baby number 2 arrives, but we did drive to South Carolina to see family for Memorial Day weekend, spent some afternoons by the community pool, and entertained some family in our home. We also taught our second Financial Peace class at our church, which we just wrapped up at the end of July. I’m 9 months pregnant and pretty content to be home with my family, but as I scroll through my social media news feeds, I can certainly understand why someone would feel differently.

This summer I’ve watched friends, family, and even strangers, travel all over; purchase new vehicles and homes; and decorate, plan, & organize all the things. And there’s nothing wrong with these, as long as we save, pay cash/debit for them, and aren’t sacrificing our needs for them. So, lets talk about what our needs are. Dave Ramsey calls them the 4 walls:

  1. Housing (Rent/Mortgage)
  2. Utilities (Water, electric, gas, phone, etc.)
  3. Transportation (taxes, car insurance, gas, oil)
  4. Food (groceries)

The 4 walls are especially helpful when we’re struggling to make ends meet, living paycheck to paycheck, or have a loss of job; we always take care of our household first. These are the items we budget for before we spend money on anything else. There are the occasional exceptions, such as school uniforms and/or supplies, or an outfit for a job interview; but these aren’t going to occur very often.

Now, what are some things that are not considered necessities?

  • Eating out
  • Cable
  • The latest cell phone
  • Coffee from a coffeehouse
  • Vacations
  • New clothes/accessories
  • High-end makeup
  • New vehicles
  • Tickets (movies, theater, sports, concerts)
  • New home decor/furniture
  • Extracurricular activities for the kiddos

We could obviously go on and on. But these are all extras and if we’re in a real financial bind, they can, and should, be cut from the budget. It doesn’t have to be for always; just until we have more breathing room in our budget.

Additional income, an emergency fund, and a plan in place can make a world of difference. If you don’t have a plan in place, you’ll always be flying by the seat of your pants, wondering where all your hard-earned money went, and why you can never get ahead. If you want to know more about our plan, check out my other posts on finances, budgeting, and dumping debt.

Motherhood: The First 6 Months

Our little girl (our first child) turned 6 months a week or two ago. And although, I don’t want this blog to be solely about motherhood or parenthood, it is the season of life that I’m currently in. So, I just wanted to share some things I learned as a new momma.

  1. Being a parent is HARD.
  2. Being a mom is HARD.
  3. Being a stay-at-home-mom is HARD.

LOL. Talk about stating the obvious.

When I first began this post, I wasn’t sure where I was going to go with it, but then a friend of mine posted something on her FB wall that really resonated with me. She talked about feeling isolated as a stay-at-home-mom. I understood those feelings all too well. Then, after talking with a few working moms over the weekend, I realized it was most moms–regardless of working status–that felt this way.

While I love being home with our baby girl, some days are good and others are very challenging. Some days baby girl goes down for a 2 1/2 hour nap in her crib, while other days she won’t let me put her down. Some days she wakes up at 4 o’clock in the morning crying, for no apparent reason, and I’m wracking my brain to get her back to sleep; but other days she sleeps for 7 hours straight. We love our children, and love being able to stay home with them, but it can be lonely and exhausting.

I think it’s because, being a mom often means that our own needs are set aside for those of another. However, it’s far too easy to get caught up in this idea, and never put ourselves first. Which, I feel is a mistake. I love my baby girl, but sometimes I need time to myself. Whether that means asking the hubbs to watch baby while I go to the gym; do some grocery shopping; cook or clean; or take a nice, long, hot shower; I need some time unattached, if only for 30 minutes. (I’m going to be honest though, I know my husband doesn’t always understand this, and it’s frustrating; but I guess I need to just do a better job at explaining it to him.)

Perhaps that’s where our loneliness and exhaustion comes from…thinking we need to be able to do it all on our own. Maybe we think we’re a “bad mom” because we can’t do it all; or because we need some “me time.” We shouldn’t think this way. As I often tell baby girl, “Mommy can’t feed you, unless she feeds herself;” in other words, we can’t take care of another of we aren’t taking care of ourselves physically, mentally, and spiritually speaking.

Instead, we need to ask for help when we need it; and as believers, it’s incredibly important for us to remain in the Word and prayer, and in community with other believers (Hebrews 10:24-25).

I understand that when you have a little one–or more than one–it’s sometimes difficult to just get out of the house, forget trying to get together with others. It takes a ton of planning to get everybody up and out of the house, but it can be, and should be done.

I realized this after the first few weeks of being a STAHM. So, here are some things I’ve recently begun implementing in our home…

  • Attending a Wednesday morning women’s Bible study, so I can connect with other women. (My husband attends Saturday morning with the men.)
  • Weekly library visits.
  • Monthly visits to the children’s museum.
  • We (my husband and I) have begun getting together with different couples from church each month.
  • Planning a family outing once a month.

Lastly, I mentioned this previously, in my Learning to Appreciate the Silence post, we need to be wary of our social media usage. First off, it’s a huge time sucker; you go to check one thing and by the time you know it, 30 minutes have gone by. Furthermore, it’s so easy to get caught up with things others are doing, to feel hurt or offended when we feel we’ve been forgotten or excluded. If we weren’t watching the every move of others via social media we wouldn’t even be worried about such things. Finally, it’s way too easy to go into comparison mode, thinking that others have it better than us; or that they have everything all together; or sometimes, even worse, thinking we’re better than another mom! We forget that FB, Instagram, etc. are just the “greatest hits” reel, where we usually get to see people at their best. We don’t often get to see their struggles or insecurities–and believe me, EVERY mom has them. We’re all different and just trying to do the best we can with what God has given us.

Although, it appears that I’m trying to figure this mom thing out on my own by creating schedules and getting together with others, I must reiterate the need for spending time in prayer and the Word. Ultimately, our peace and strength comes from the Lord; and try as we might, to do it all on our own, we’ll only end up exhausted, bitter, and feeling like utter failures if we don’t rest in His presence daily. So, let’s take a lesson from David, when we’re feeling overwhelmed, and seek refuge in the shadow of the most high.

Hear my cry, O God, listen to my prayer; from the end of the earth I call to You when my heart is overwhelmed and weak. Lead me to the rock that is higher than I [a rock that is too high to reach without Your help]. For you have been a shelter and a refuge for me, a strong tower against the enemy. Let me dwell in Your tent forever! Let me take refuge in the shelter of Your wings! Selah ~ Psalm 61:1-4, AMP