Category Archives: Single & Dating

Seek Him

Posted on by brokenredeemed

Something has been nagging at me the last few weeks, that I felt needed sharing. Many, including myself, have expressed the struggle they’ve had over the last year to hear the voice of God. Many of us have been stuck in our homes, feeling isolated, or overwhelmed by news, politics, family responsibilities, and our own fears and anxieties. Personally, I had “mommy brain” for a few months, which thankfully, has cleared up a little, now that I’m in my 7th month of pregnancy.

Well, a few weeks ago, I was on the worship team at church and we were having some technical difficulties, during service. We just continued to worship with the acoustic guitar, but the Pastor shared that God had been questioning her love for him, much like Jesus did to Peter after the resurrection when He repeatedly asked, “Do you love me?” And my mind went to Jeremiah 29:13 which states that we’ll find Him when we seek Him with all our heart. If you’re like me, or Pastor, our answer, of course, is “yes, Lord, we love You,” but I had to ask myself, have I truly been seeking Him with my whole heart? Have you? With all the distracting noise of 2020, were we really, truly seeking Him?

I’ve been investing more time and energy into reading and prayer, but since my focus hasn’t been the best, I’ve found myself reading more devotionals and hymns (which usually aren’t my go-to). I prefer the Word, straight up; however, since I’m going through a season of sleeplessness, exhaustion, and littles (with a preschooler & toddler), meditating on the Word, like I’d prefer, hasn’t been possible. I don’t get much alone time, and even my devotional time is littered with questions and requests from my 3 year old. But I refuse to let this season get the best of me, because I love the Lord and I desire to hear His voice, but also because both my family, and I, benefit from me spending time with the Lord.

We talk about seasons a lot here, because each season comes with new challenges, and opportunities for growth, that I’m continually grappling with. But no matter our season–student, career-oriented, or entrepreneur; single, married, divorced; new parent, seasoned, struggling (lol, how I often feel), empty nester, or even grandparent–our need for Christ never diminishes.

Our heart should continually be seeking His face, His will, and plan. Let’s not allow a busy season, or a season with lots of unknowns, ups and downs, challenges, or distractions prevent us from seeking His face. For He desires to speak with us, to comfort us, to grow our faith, and to be our strong tower and strength when we finally come to the realization that we can’t do it alone. We must all come to the end of ourselves and lay it all at the feet of the cross, at some point, maybe even multiple times (a day!).

What’s funny is that’s been the “word” He’s placed in my heart for the past year…surrender. What do we need to surrender to God? Is it our relationships? Children? Health? Our career? Government? Future? Because if we believe He’s over all, we must be willing to walk that out! But no matter what, we must first seek Him, for when we do, He promises that we will find Him.

You have said, “Seek my face.” My heart says to you, “Your face, Lord, do I seek.”

Psalm 27:8, ESV

Characteristics of the Wise as Found in Proverbs

Posted on by brokenredeemed

Originally this post was supposed to be about the characteristics the book of Proverbs says we should look for in our friends. However, upon further review, I realized that we’re someone’s friend, and we shouldn’t expect something of others that we aren’t willing to aspire to ourselves. So, instead we’re going to take a look at the characteristics God desires to see in us–and our friends.

Based on the book of Proverbs, not only does God desire that we hold Him in highest esteem and reverence, He also desires that we be…

  • Kind & merciful
    • “A righteous man has kind regard for the life of his animal, but even the compassion of the wicked is cruel.” (Proverbs 12:10, AMP)
    • “He who oppresses the poor taunts and insults his Maker, but he who is kind and merciful and gracious to the needy honors Him.” (Proverbs 14:31, AMP)
  • Ever-learning, or seekers of knowledge
    • “A scoffer seeks wisdom and finds none [for his ears are closed to wisdom], but knowledge is easy for one who understands [because he is willing to learn].” (Proverbs 14:6, AMP)
    • “The mind of the prudent [always] acquires knowledge, and the ear of the wise [always] seeks knowledge.” (Proverbs 18:15, AMP)
  • Seekers of wisdom & wise counsel
    • “Happy [blessed, considered fortunate, to be admired] is the man who finds [skillful and godly] wisdom, and the man who gains understanding and insight [learning from God’s word and life’s experiences], for wisdom’s profit is better than the profit of silver, and her gain is better than fine gold.” (Proverbs 3:13-14, AMP)
    • “The wise will inherit honor and glory, but dishonor and shame is conferred on fools.” (Proverbs 3:35, AMP)
  • Forgiving
    • “He who covers and forgives an offense seeks love, but he who repeats or gossips about a matter separates intimate friends.” (Proverbs 17:9, AMP)
  • Humble
    • “Though He scoffs at the scoffers and scorns the scorners, yet He gives His grace [His undeserved favor] to the humble [those who give up self-importance].” (Proverbs 3:34, AMP)
    • “The reward of humility [that is, having a realistic view of one’s importance] and the [reverent, worshipful] fear of the Lord is riches, honor, and life.” (Proverbs 22:4, AMP)
    • “A man’s pride and sense of self-importance will bring him down, but he who has a humble spirit will obtain honor.” (Proverbs 29:23, AMP)
  • Disciplined & obedient
    • “Take hold of instruction; [actively seek it, grip it firmly and] do not let go. Guard her, for she is your life. (Proverbs 4:13, AMP)
    • “Like a city that is broken down and without walls [leaving it unprotected]
      is a man who has no self-control over his spirit [and sets himself up for trouble].” (Proverbs 25:28, AMP)
    • “He who keeps the law [of God and man] is a wise and discerning son, but he who is a companion of gluttons humiliates his father [and himself].” Proverbs 28:7, AMP)
  • Righteous
    • “The curse of the Lord is on the house of the wicked, but He blesses the home of the just and righteous.” (Proverbs 3:33, AMP)
    • “The righteous man who walks in integrity and lives life in accord with his [godly] beliefs—how blessed [happy and spiritually secure] are his children after him [who have his example to follow].” (Proverbs 20:7, AMP)
    • “He who earnestly seeks righteousness and loyalty finds life, righteousness, and honor.” (Proverbs 21:21, AMP)
  • Just
    • “The violence of the wicked will drag them away, because they refuse to do justice.” (Proverbs 21:7, AMP)
    • “These also are sayings of the wise: To show partiality in judgment is not good.” (Proverbs 24:23, AMP)
    • “Open your mouth for the mute, for the rights of all who are unfortunate and defenseless; open your mouth, judge righteously, and administer justice for the afflicted and needy.” (Proverbs 31:8-9, AMP)
  • People of integrity
    • “He stores away sound wisdom for the righteous [those who are in right standing with Him]; He is a shield to those who walk in integrity [those of honorable character and moral courage].” (Proverbs 2:7, AMP)
    • “For the upright [those who are in right standing with God] will live in the land and those [of integrity] who are blameless [in God’s sight] will remain in it; but the wicked will be cut off from the land and the treacherous shall be [forcibly] uprooted and removed from it.” (Proverbs 2:21-22, AMP)
    • “Like a muddied fountain and a polluted spring is a righteous man who yields and compromises his integrity before the wicked.” (Proverbs 25:26, AMP)
  • Discerning
    • “Hear, O children, the instruction of a father, and pay attention [and be willing to learn] so that you may gain understanding and intelligent discernment.
      For I give you good doctrine; do not turn away from my instruction.” (Proverbs 4:1-2, AMP)
    • “The naive or inexperienced person [is easily misled and] believes every word he hears, but the prudent man [is discreet and astute and] considers well where he is going. A wise man suspects danger and cautiously avoids evil, but the fool is arrogant and careless.” (Proverbs 14:15-16, AMP)
  • Diligent
    • “The hand of the diligent will rule, but the negligent and lazy will be put to forced labor.” (Proverbs 12:24, AMP)
    • “The plans of the diligent lead surely to abundance and advantage, but everyone who acts in haste comes surely to poverty.” (Proverbs 21:5, AMP)
  • Slow to anger
    • “The [arrogant] fool’s anger is quickly known [because he lacks self-control and common sense], but a prudent man ignores an insult.” (Proverbs 12:16, AMP)
    • “Good sense and discretion make a man slow to anger, and it is his honor and glory to overlook a transgression or an offense [without seeking revenge and harboring resentment].” (Proverbs 19:11, AMP)
    • “Do not even associate with a man given to angry outbursts; or go [along] with a hot-tempered man, or you will learn his [undisciplined] ways and get yourself trapped [in a situation from which it is hard to escape].” (Proverbs 22:24-25, AMP)
  • Speakers of truth, honest & reliable
    • “The thoughts and purposes of the [consistently] righteous are just (honest, reliable), but the counsels and schemes of the wicked are deceitful.” (Proverbs 12:5, AMP)
    • “Truthful lips will be established forever, but a lying tongue is [credited] only for a moment.” (Proverbs 12:19, AMP)
    • “A false witness will perish, but a man who listens to the truth will speak forever and go unchallenged.” (Proverbs 21:28, AMP)
  • Slow to speak, or we think before speaking
    • “A shrewd man is reluctant to display his knowledge [until the proper time], but the heart of [over-confident] fools proclaims foolishness. (Proverbs 12:23, AMP)
    • “He who has knowledge restrains and is careful with his words, and a man of understanding and wisdom has a cool spirit (self-control, an even temper).” (Proverbs 17:27, AMP)
    • He who answers before he hears [the facts]—it is folly and shame to him.” (Proverbs 18:13, AMP)
  • Accepting of correction
    • “The ear that listens to and learns from the life-giving rebuke (reprimand, censure) will remain among the wise.” (Proverbs 15:31, AMP)
    • “Listen to counsel, receive instruction, and accept correction, that you may be wise in the time to come.” (Proverbs 19:20, AMP)
    • “When the scoffer is punished, the naive [observes the lesson and] becomes wise; but when the wise and teachable person is instructed, he receives knowledge.” (Proverbs 21:11, AMP)
  • Peaceable, or having a soft-spoken and gentle spirit
    • “There is one who speaks rashly like the thrusts of a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” (Proverbs 12:18, AMP)
    • “A soft and gentle and thoughtful answer turns away wrath, but harsh and painful and careless words stir up anger. (Proverbs 15:1, AMP)
    • “It is an honor for a man to cease from strife and keep aloof from it, but every fool will quarrel.” (Proverbs 20:3, AMP)

These are not all inclusive, and many of these have multiple Scripture to back them up, but for sake of time I maxed them out at 3 verses. Lastly, again, I encourage you to read the book of Proverbs on your own. See what other characteristics of the wise leap out at you, and share with us in the comments below!

Take care. May God bless you. And be sure to come back in the upcoming weeks for more on the book of Proverbs.

The Counsel of Elders

Posted on by brokenredeemed

The other day I was flipping through my Flipboard (lol) when I came across this article about Silicon Valley and its Peter Pan Syndrome. Basically it’s a commentary, by Jeffrey Sonnenfeld, on how most technology firms these days like to keep a staff of young employees and often force out their older employees (or refuse to hire them). Sonnenfeld noted that the median age of Google employees, for instance, is 29. He then went on to describe why this is a mistake and how much we can gain and have gained from people over age 35 in various industries. It was actually a great commentary that I shared on my Twitter feed. (Additionally, just after I began working on this blog, I came across a similar article in the Washington Post discussing ageism in the workplace.)

After reading and contemplating the content of the article, I began thinking about another person who thought that those older than him brought little to the table: King Rehoboam.

Now, king Rehoboam took the throne after his father Solomon, son of David, son of Jesse (don’t ask me why I felt like providing the geneology, lol, maybe I had too much coffee), and Rehoboam had some pretty big shoes to fill. But in 2 Chronicles 10, we read about how after Solomon’s death, the people of Israel come to Rehoboam and request that their load be lightened–labor and tax-wise–and he tells them to let him think about it, and he’d have a response for them in three days. King Rehoboam first asks his father’s advisors as to how he should respond…

 The older counselors replied, “If you are good to these people and do your best to please them and give them a favorable answer, they will always be your loyal subjects.” But Rehoboam rejected the advice of the older men and instead asked the opinion of the young men who had grown up with him and were now his advisers. “What is your advice?” he asked them. “How should I answer these people who want me to lighten the burdens imposed by my father?” The young men replied, “This is what you should tell those complainers who want a lighter burden: ‘My little finger is thicker than my father’s waist! Yes, my father laid heavy burdens on you, but I’m going to make them even heavier! My father beat you with whips, but I will beat you with scorpions!’” ~ 2 Chronicles 10:7-11, NLT

We all know how this story ends. Rehoboam, rejects the advice given by his elders and responds as his peers told him to, and this was the wrong answer! In fact, this is the determining factor of Israel’s split from Judah; creating the northern and southern kingdoms.

When I first read this, I thought, “what a spoiled rotten, thoughtless, stubborn, little teenager!” but then, I went on to read in 2 Chronicles 12 that Rehoboam was actually 41 years old when he took over the kingdom! He was a grown adult behaving as a child!

So, here I am, having just read these two things–the article/commentary and 2 Chronicles 10–and I’m recognizing how we can, at any age, fall into this trap of ignoring and holding in contempt, the wisdom of our elders. I believe that we can become so consumed in the way we do things now and doing things “the right way,” or our way, or improving upon the way things have been done, that we negate the people who have been doing those same things in generations past. By doing so we attempt to deny the skill, wisdom, and knowledge of those who came before us; when the truth is, we couldn’t do or wouldn’t have most of the things we do today, if they weren’t out there “doing” before us. We don’t create from scratch…we simply build upon the foundation that’s been laid before us.

Proverbs 4:6-9, NIV

Rehoboam’s elderly counsel were the same men that counseled his father; and according to the Bible, Solomon was the wisest person to have ever lived. So, why do we, like Rehoboam, think that our way is best, and deny the wisdom and counsel of those who’ve gone before us? Why do we think that those older than us have nothing to bring to the table or have nothing of value to offer us?

Now, this isn’t to say that we don’t have something new or better to offer, but that we respect and accept the fact that our elders laid the foundation for us to have what we have, have provided a path for the future, and are still capable of providing much insight and wisdom; much like we are doing for those who will follow us. Neither does it mean that we neglect to seek the counsel and wisdom of God, for as the Word says, “true wisdom and power are found in God; counsel and understanding are His” (Job 12:13, NLT) and “God looks down from heaven on the entire human race; He looks to see if anyone is truly wise, if anyone seeks God” (Psalm 53:2, NLT).

Therefore, let us not neglect or scorn the wisdom of our elders, but take it into consideration, contemplate upon the words and advice of those who’ve gone before us, and compare it to what the Bible says and let’s not act harshly, rebelliously, or rashly, but be considerate and respectful of the opinions of others.

If you become wise, you will be the one to benefit.
If you scorn wisdom, you will be the one to suffer. ~ Proverbs 9:12, NLT

Fools think their own way is right,
but the wise listen to others. ~ Proverbs 12:15, NLT

Pride leads to conflict;
those who take advice are wise. – Proverbs 13:10, NLT

Wise people think before they act;
fools don’t—and even brag about their foolishness. ~ Proverbs 13:16, NLT

Walk with the wise and become wise;
associate with fools and get in trouble. ~ Proverbs 13:20, NLT

If you listen to constructive criticism,
you will be at home among the wise. ~ Proverbs 15:31, NLT

Welcome to 2016!

Posted on by brokenredeemed

First, I’d like to start out by saying, HAPPY NEW YEAR! I hope you finished 2015 strong and I pray you have a wonderful 2016. Personally, and I think I’ve mentioned this before, I like to do a quick review of how the previous year went before the new year arrives—and usually around my birthday, as well—and think about what I accomplished, what I’d like to change or improve; and this year was no different.FontCandy (2)

Last month, I began to write down some past accomplishments and some future goals. You know what they say…it’s not a goal unless it’s specific, attainable, measurable, etc. etc. So, I started getting really specific, but as I did this I remembered that Proverbs 16:9 says, “We can make our plans, but the LORD determines our steps.” And I was reminded that it’s great to make plans and create goals, but we must also allow room for the Holy Spirit to work in our lives and allow Him to change our direction whenever He sees fit. So I’ve been praying that I allow God to lead me more this year.

Oddly enough, He saw fit to change some of my plans, when my boyfriend of about a year and a half, asked me to marry him on Christmas day 2015. So, now some of my plans have changed slightly, but I’m still here and I’m still planning to share the Word with you, as well as some wisdom and guidance. Originally, I planned to schedule a post once a week (as part of my 2016 goals), but now since I’m leading a Monday night Bible study on Michael Catt’s Refresh, and planning a small wedding (in 4 months!), I may only be able to share with you bi-weekly. Below are a few goals I’d like to accomplish this year…let me know what some of your goals are for 2016.

  • Teach a Bible study
  • Really pour my heart into children’s worship
  • Read a book each month
  • Watch less television
  • Learn to play guitar (I got one for Christmas!)
  • Learn Spanish
  • Get more involved in outreach ministries (Hey! Maybe even start one!)
  • Exercise (Be healthy!)
  • Become debt-free by the end of the year
  • Post a blog every other week

Bonus ** You know how a lot of people like to use a word to describe the year? My word for this year is passion. I want to be so passionate about the Lord and what He’s done and is doing, that I ignite the people around me. I want to start a wildfire! And I want to act more on the things that I’m passionate about! I don’t want to just talk or write about these things, I want to actually DO SOMETHING. God-willing, I’ll be able to share some of those things with you throughout the year. I love you guys!

God bless and take care.

Unrealistic Expectations

Posted on by brokenredeemed

A day hasn’t gone by this week that I haven’t heard or read something about how people hurt each other, are untrustworthy, or are undeserving of something or other. The reality is…it’s true. Humanity is imperfect. We often do or say things to one another that we may or may not realize hurts the other person. However, not everybody is out to get us. Sometimes we just take things the wrong way. More often than not the other person doesn’t even know that they hurt us!

Most importantly, whether or not the other person meant to hurt us, doesn’t really matter, because as children of the most High, we’re called to love other people…period. It doesn’t matter how badly they treat us, God has called us to love our enemies, pray for those who persecute us, and do good to those who hate us (Matthew 5:44; Luke 6:27). He also tells us to love our neighbor as ourselves (Matthew 22:39; Mark 12:31; Luke 10:27; Galatians 5:14); that means to treat others as we want to be treated, regardless of how they treat us. (We’ve already talked a lot about this in my R-E-S-P-E-C-T post back in July.)

Now, I understand full well that this isn’t always easy. When people hurt us a common desire is to hurt them back, to treat them the way they treated us, or to play the victim and tell the world how we’ve been mistreated. Sometimes we’re spiteful, vindictive, judgmental or cruel; and the world tells us we have a “right” to be. But as believers, we’ve lost our so-called “rights.” When we choose to follow Christ, we choose to give the Holy Spirit full access to every part or our lives, to change us from the inside out (John 3:30). Our behavior and thoughts shouldn’t be the same as the worlds!

Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect. (Romans 12:2, NLT)

Since you have heard about Jesus and have learned the truth that comes from Him, throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception. Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. Put on your new nature, created to be like God—truly righteous and holy. (Ephesians 4:21-24, NLT)

An example of unrealistic expectations.

What does changing the way you think entail? I know for me, I now recognize the brokenness of humanity. I recognize that people are lost, broken, hurting, and don’t know the truth. Therefore, how can they make good choices, or treat people with love and respect, when they don’t understand or haven’t accepted the love of the Creator? When it comes to people and relationships, our expectations often exceed reality. Meaning, we expect them to be up to par with our personal standards, but that’s unrealistic. While the world may believe that people should “just know” these things, the truth is, humans are selfish at heart, and like I wrote in a previous blog, due to our relativistic culture, we do what seems right in our own eyes. That’s why when Jesus called people to follow Him, He told them to turn away from their selfish ways, deny themselves, and pick up their cross (Matthew 16:24; Mark 8:34; Luke 9:23).

This is the world we live in; one in which none of us is perfect and we all fall short (Romans 3:10, 23). But let that not be an excuse to give in to sin and treat others poorly, to complain, or to give up on people altogether, because we have the power of the Holy Spirit within us; and through Him we can do all things! Furthermore, we’re made to be in relationship with others, why else would God say loving our neighbors is as equally as important as loving Him? (By the way, you can’t do one without the other.) So, remember, the next time that person cuts you off in traffic, talks about you behind your back, or gives you an attitude, to treat them as you would want to be treated: with grace, mercy, and kindness. And remember to pray for them, in love.

So You’re Thinking of Moving Out? (Or Perhaps You Should Be)

Posted on by brokenredeemed

You’re 18 (or older) and you’re thinking about moving out of your parents’ house. I’d like to suggest you stop and ask yourself a few questions before you do.

  • Are you going to college?
  • Do you have a job?
  • Do you have a car?

If you’re still in college, whether you’re working your way through or your tuition’s being paid by your parents, a scholarship or grant, I’d suggest you live at home until you complete. (Notice I didn’t say student loans? That’s because you should just say no to student loans!) Trying to cash flow your tuition while living on your own only works if you have a really high income, which most young college students usually don’t have. I cash flowed my undergraduate degree while living at home, but made the mistake of moving out while I worked on my graduate degree—these are the infamous student loans I’ve been trying to pay. Another option is splitting the costs of an apartment or house with multiple friends.

Now, let’s say you’ve finished college and/or you’ve gotten a job. First, you must recognize how much money you have coming in. Do you make enough to move out on your own? The answer, at first, may be “no.” I’ll tell you why. You need enough money on hand to pay a security deposit and first month’s rent. This means you’ll have to save a little money before signing that lease; I suggest you save 3-6 months of living expenses before moving out, just in case something unplanned occurs. You wouldn’t want to move into your own place, only to have to move back home when your car breaks down, or you lose a job! Be prepared.

Here are a few other costs you’ll need to think about:

  • Do you have a reliable car? Insurance? Maintenance costs.
  • Are you a single parent? Childcare costs. Will you have reliable/neighborly help or family nearby?
  • Do you own a pet? Monthly pet fees/costs.
  • Don’t forget those daily living expenses! Food, clothing, gas, renters insurance, electricity, internet/cable, water, & cell phone bill, etc.

Now, perhaps you’re an adult and you simply don’t want to move out? What’s your reasoning behind staying home? Economic? Your parents insist you stay home? Let me tell you something. My parents never wanted me to move out; they expected that I would stay home until I got married. But I’m 31 and I’m still not married! Thankfully, I recognized that I needed to move out and learn how to take care of myself, because who knew what God had in store for my future. What if I never got married? I didn’t want to be living at home forever!IMG_3270

Honestly, unless you’re a college student, like I mentioned above, I suggest you move out on your own. Something happens when you move out on your own and you’re responsible for your own well-being. You grow and develop in ways that you can’t do at home under your parents’ wings. You’re forced to become more responsible with your money, forced to make decisions that affect your life and future, and you meet people you might never have met, while at the grocery store, gym, job, church or while hanging out with your friends or volunteering.

If you can’t afford to move into your own place, again, as I mentioned before, get a roommate (or two), take on another job, or better yet, think more intently about what you really want to be doing with your life, and change career paths! Create goals and take steps to reach them.

Finally, living at home can stunt your growth and prevent you from reaching your full potential because you’re comfortable and have a security blanket (i.e. your parents). However, once you’re on your own, you are responsible for you, and you’re forced to push yourself outside your comfort zone! Therefore, stretch those wings of yours and take the leap (obviously, within the bounds of reason)! 😉

Love you all and God bless!

Birthday Confessions

Posted on by brokenredeemed

Carrot Cake B-day Cake

Mmm…Carrot Cake, my fave!

I don’t know about you, but it seems that about twice a year—around my birthday and the new year—I find myself taking inventory of where I am in life and where I would like to be. With my birthday just a day away, I’ve been thinking a lot about career decisions, where I want to be in five years, what my goals are, and what it’s going to take to get there. For those who’ve been following my blog so far, you know that I’m currently on the Dave Ramsey plan and have been trying to pay my student loan off as quickly as possible. I’ve actually started looking into getting a second job to work in the evenings and on the weekends, in addition to my full-time job, just so I can have some extra money to get my loan paid off quicker.

However, these last few days, I’ve been reminded that I shouldn’t become so preoccupied with paying off this student loan that my relationships with God or other people suffer. As much as I want a second job, I also want to continue serving in my church, whether on the worship team; working with the children’s, homeless, or young adult ministries; or teaching a Wednesday night Bible study (like I planned to do in the fall); I want to serve. Not to mention the fact that I currently have the freedom to meet a friend after work to study the Word on Monday evenings, attend a ladies Bible study at my friend Cori’s house on Friday nights, and spend some quality time with my boyfriend on the weekends. 😉

Now, will I continue to look for other ways to increase my income? Absolutely! But I still want to be able to serve, minister, and foster the relationships that God has placed in my life, as well. This just means that I have to trust that God will open a door and make this a reality. Trust and patience have always been difficult for control freak me. I want to devise my own plans and create my own way, but God says it’s His job to direct my steps (Proverbs 16:9).

Whatever you’re doing, wherever you’re going or planning, or even if you’re like me–working on your debt snowball–don’t forget that all this is for His glory and we’re to honor Him in all that we do. Nothing is more important than Him and the calling He’s placed on each of our lives to point the world towards Him. Don’t let any other goals, people, or objects distract you from Him.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. (Hebrews 12:1-2a, NLT)

Boundaries, Preferences, and Dating

Posted on by brokenredeemed

Before I gave my life back to Christ I dated, a lot; and to be honest I had the completely wrong idea about what dating was. After Christ, I read Boundaries in Dating: How Healthy Choices Grow Healthy Relationships, (which is mentioned on my resources page) and learned a lot of things that I wish I’d know years prior. I really suggest if you’ve never read the book, do it! It’s so worth it!

After I rededicated my life to Christ I was single for quite a while before I began really dating my now current boyfriend. I was lonely sometimes, but I used the time to deepen my relationship with Christ and grow in my responsibilities at church. When I finally did re-enter the dating scene, I made sure to go back and re-read the book with a friend as a refresher. While I recommend you read the entire book, one of the chapters in particular stood out to me this morning, Chapter 6: What You Can Live With and What You Can Live Without.

When you begin dating another individual there are many important aspects to consider, and some things are much more important than others. The authors of Boundaries in Dating, Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend state that many people are too rigid in their dating preferences and tend to close themselves off to some good options; they state that “there are basically four areas we want you to examine in dating:

  1. Some of your preferences might be too limiting, and you need to be more open.
  2. Some preferences are more important than you might realize, and you should value them.
  3. Some imperfections are minor, and you might have to learn to deal with them.
  4. Some imperfections are major, and you should not ever have to live with them. They are totally off limits” (Cloud & Townsend, 2000, p. 93).

My boyfriend and I at a local pumpkin patch, Oct. 2014.

My boyfriend and I at a local pumpkin patch, Oct. 2014.

Everybody has preferences in a dating partner, but we need to recognize the difference between the traits that are necessary to a healthy relationship and those that aren’t, or even more important, those which can actually harm the relationship or individuals involved. We want to be sure to date someone with whom we share common interests, goals and values, for instance, but the fact that he doesn’t look like a supermodel or that she doesn’t enjoy sports, aren’t deal breakers. We can also deal with minor imperfections. As Dr. Cloud and Townsend state,

No one is perfect. Every person that you date will be a person who will sin and let you down. There is no Prince Charming that has it all together. So give up that fantasy. However, as you evaluate the people you date, remember a few things. First, there are sinners that you can live with. Those are people who have the ability to see when they have wronged you, to confess it, to care about how they have hurt you, and to work hard not to continue in that pattern. Anyone who sees where he or she is wrong and tries to change is on the right path and can probably be trusted if that path is not just a momentary turnaround. If it is truly a path and is continued upon for the long term, that is a good sign.

However, there are also major imperfections that we can’t and shouldn’t live with. I’m going to end this post with a list of destructive personal and interpersonal traits that are to be avoided. If these “occur infrequently, you may be able to work through them if your date will take ownership, confess, and work on himself. But if these things are a pattern, and there is no ownership, sorrow, and repentance then watch out” (Cloud & Townsend, 2000, p. 103).

Destructive Personal Traits

  • Acts like he has it all together instead of admitting weakness and imperfection.
  • Is religious instead of spiritual.
  • Is defensive instead of open to feedback.
  • Is self-righteous instead of humble.
  • Apologizes instead of changes.
  • Avoids working on problems.
  • Demands trust instead of proving himself trustworthy.
  • Lies instead of telling the truth.
  • Is stagnant and not growing.
  • Is an addict.
  • Is duplicitous.

Destructive Interpersonal Traits

  • Avoids closeness.
  • Thinks only about himself instead of the relationship and the other person.
  • Is controlling and resists freedom (in dating, this includes not respecting limits in the physical realm).
  • Flatters.
  • Condemns.
  • Plays “one up” or acts parental.
  • Is unstable over time.
  • Is a negative influence.
  • Gossips.
  • Is overly jealous and suspicious.
  • Negates pain.
  • Is overly angry.

*These lists are taken from Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend’s Boundaries in Dating: How Healthy Choices Grow Healthy Relationships, 2000.Zondervan: Grand Rapids, MI.

Holiday Blues

Posted on by brokenredeemed

It’s the most wonderful time of the year…If you’re anything like me you probably sang that verse, lol. I love this time of the year. Actually, as soon as the leaves begin changing into their bright red, orange, yellow, and purple hues I want to take out my camera and take pictures of everything. God’s handiwork is so beautiful and makes my heart feel so incredibly full; I love the colors, the smells, the twinkling lights, and getting the opportunity to spend time with my faPumpkin Patchmily. However, as much as love all of these things, there have been recent years when I greeted these days much less than enthusiastic.

While this season can bring about great joy and gladness, it can also produce pronounced sadness for some. Why? You may ask. For one, there are those who may not have the opportunity to spend holidays like Thanksgiving, Christmas, or New Year’s Eve with their family, due to various circumstances. There are those who celebrate while serving overseas, or at sea, as members of the military; those who are simply separated by great distances of land and don’t have the means to travel; or those estranged from their family. The second category of people who struggle during this season, are those who are single.

Personally, I’ve experienced the sadness of celebrating a holiday alone, and away from my family; and even single, while with my family. I encourage you, if you’re reading this and know someone who doesn’t have family nearby, invite them to celebrate with you. Nobody deserves to be alone during this time of the year. Let them know they are not forgotten, and that they are loved.

This time of the year can also be incredibly difficult for those who are single, whether or not they are able to join their family; particularly, if their siblings are married or dating. I’ve spent a number of Christmases celebrating with my dating or married younger siblings. There are always those dreaded questions regarding your relationship status, and having to internally suffer while watching couples be affectionate with each another. It’s those times I usually returned home feeling more alone than ever.

Some words of advice for those of you who are single or celebrating away from your families during this time of year? Don’t allow your loneliness to isolate you during this time of the year (or ever, for that matter). Surround yourself with friends. Below are a list of activities you can do during this time of the year with your friends:

  • Host/attend a holiday party.
  • Get together for dinner at your favorite restaurant.
  • Bake cookies for the elderly.
  • Check out Christmas decorations/lights in your area.
  • Participate in a gift exchange.
  • Send Christmas cards to military service members, veterans, or inmates.
  • Go window shopping (if you’re on a budget) or Christmas shopping.
  • Host a Christmas movie marathon with popcorn, peppermint bark, and hot chocolate or apple cider.
  • Help provide/serve a holiday meal at a homeless shelter.
  • Exchange gift ideas—sometimes we could use a little help!
  • Host a game night.
  • Pack a box for Operation Christmas Child.
  • Host a gingerbread house decorating party.
  • Sponsor a family or elderly person and purchase Christmas gifts for them through Families First or the Salvation Army’s Angel Tree.
  • Create your own Christmas decorations or gifts.
  • Host a “Christmas From Around the World” potluck.

I know this list is far from complete. Let me know how you and your friends enjoy spending these times of the year by commenting below….and have a Happy Thanksgiving!